Get off the romance roller-coaster and demand more from your dating life. You’ll be glad you did.
On TV, dating is fun for twenty-somethings. They’re just starting their careers, so they can go out every night instead of working late. They are at the peak of their physical attractiveness. They are devoted to having fun. On television, singles in their 30s are boring, unattractive, and desperate.
But that’s just TV. In real life, dating can be more fun and more rewarding after you’ve hit 30. Here’s why.
1. NO MORE GAMES
Singles in their 20s compete with each other for desirable partners. They are afraid of commitment. They keep their affections in check because they don’t want to settle down.
There are no games after 30. You’re ready to be yourself, and so is your partner. You’re serious about life and you are open to settling down with the right person. It’s liberating to stop playing games and simply be yourself.
2. MORE DEPTH
It’s exciting to find someone who plays the same video games you do when you’re in your 20s. Or someone whose music or movie collection has a lot of overlap with yours. Dating is all about finding someone whose interests – rock climbing, shopping, jazz – are the same as yours.
Once you’re in your 30s, you understand that such interests are superficial. You’re more interested in finding someone whose values align with yours. Is your partner honest? Charitable? Concerned about the environment? If you have a lot of deep values in common, then superficial differences can be fun, not detrimental. She can share her favorite video games while he introduces her to opera. Everybody wins.
3. A DIFFERENT KIND OF ATTRACTION
Singles in their 20s want a hot partner, someone who is physically attractive and who will impress their friends. Looks mean a lot.
Looks may still be important when you’re in your 30s, but there are more important considerations. You’ll find yourself drawn to people you respect, people whose character you admire.
4. A SOBER APPROACH TO PASSION
It’s exciting to get carried away with passion, to be so overwhelmed with a partner that it borders on obsession. Sparks fly every time you’re together.
Thirty-somethings are not strangers to passion, but they understand the benefits of the long, slow burn, of attraction that builds up gradually until it’s irresistible. Passion burns out. Desire lasts.
5. ACCEPTING YOURSELF
Singles in their 20s support an entire economy of cosmetics and flashy clothes and perfumes and body-shaping underthings and on and on – all designed to make them more attractive. In your 20s, you think it’s your job to make yourself look better and be happy so you’ll be acceptable to your partner.
Singles over 30 have been there, done that. Now they’re looking for someone who will love them warts and all, just as they are.
6. LOVING YOUR FRIEND
In your 20s, you draw a sharp distinction between friends and lovers. There are some people you count on and trust and confide in – those are your friends. And then there are your dates. You maintain a perfectly attractive façade with them, never letting them see anything but the best side of you.
Thirty-somethings have no patience for costumes and masks. They know the ideal partner combines all the attributes of friendship with the romantic parts of dating. They need a partner they like as well as love.
7. GROWING CLOSER
Singles in their 20s look for someone perfect. Dating is like walking through a garden looking for a single rose blossom with a perfect shape, color, and scent. Dating is so frustrating because no one is perfect.
In their 30s, singles, realize that no one starts out as a perfect match. You come together because of an initial attraction, stay together because of respect and common values, and grow more desirable to each other as you know each other better. You want someone whose company makes you a better person.
Don’t believe the caricatures on TV. Dating after 30 is less of a passionate roller-coaster ride, it’s true, but it can be more fun and more rewarding.