UBER RIDE: An Epic Tale of Attraction, Scheming and Betrayal!
Fortune favors the bold, they say. A 19-year-old college student tested that maxim recently when her Uber driver turned out to be too uber-fine to resist…
Howard University coed Kelli Amirah’s romantic story has more twists and turns than an M. Night Shyamalan movie, more emotional ups and downs than Shakespeare. It all starts when – but no, it’s best to let Kelli tell the story in her own words.
It all started on Saturday night, when me and my friends got an uber to this party.
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
The driver called to let me know he was outside and I’m like bet, we’re coming. Hung up. Made the observation that his voice was fine af
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Readers who are no longer 19 and not attending college may benefit from the knowledge that “bet” signifies agreement, as in “you can bet on it.”
It turned out that Kelli’s Uber driver looked as good as he sounded.
So we get in the car and I realize the voice match the person. He fine. He light bright. Got a beard. Wearing glasses. All good things
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
As soon as Kelli lays eyes on the driver she concocts a plan to ask for his phone number – to “shoot her shot,” as the college kids say. But she is nervous.
So there’s minor small talk in the car, nothing major, And our destination is quickly approaching. But I’m not ready to shoot yet
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Kelli enlists her friend – who is also in the car – in brainstorming plans to get the driver’s phone number.
Meanwhile me and my friend in the car texting about the whole thing while she’s in the front seat and I’m in the back pic.twitter.com/DsUyd3nhul
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
That’s when inspiration strikes. The lovestruck coed realizes she can leave something behind. It’s like Cinderalla’s glass slipper. When the driver finds it in his car he’ll have to seek her out to return it.
So like we pulling up to the spot and I don’t know what to do. So then I spur of the moment accidentally on-purpose leave my charger behind
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
I’m like oops. Looks like I’ll just have to contact the driver about my lost item pic.twitter.com/qDU9LI6a8q
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Kelli’s plan is in motion! She has left her iPhone charger in the Uber. Now she can contact Uber and summon her driver. Small talk will naturally ensue, and no doubt romance will bloom. They might as well be Melanie Griffith and Tom Hanks. Kelli has thought of everything.
But fate has other ideas.
So I wait about a half hour or so before I go to the uber app to contact my driver about my “lost item” pic.twitter.com/vLPUsYoJZu
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So I’m calling, and the phone is ringing… and ringing… Y’all I’m at this party in a corner like pic.twitter.com/Ub5zEXkkvh
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
… and then it goes to voicemail. But I wasn’t too hurt cuz it’s also like 1 am. I leave a message and decide to try again tomorrow
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Disappointed, Kelli stops calling the driver. She has not only lost the chance to shoot her shot, but she has also lost her iPhone charger, apparently forever. Fate can be cruel.
So the next day I still haven’t heard shit back from this man. Mind you, I left my good charger in his car so my phone battery on struggle
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So like midday, around 2ish I call again… and once again get sent to voicemail pic.twitter.com/cBeeIfJYUc
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So I leave another message but at this point I’m thinking how stupid this was. What if this man just keeps my charger? Why you do this Kelli
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
It finally reaches like midnight on Sunday and I still have heard nothing back. At this point, I’m ready to take the L pic.twitter.com/aJD3WTQOdT
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Resigned to the failure of her romantic scheme, Kelli fills out the form to tell Uber about the charger she left behind. She may not get a date with the handsome driver, but at least she may get her phone charger back.
I go in the uber app & fill out the info on my lost item in hopes that maybe Uber can get this nigga to respond, because calling not working
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So fast forward to Monday night, I’m pressed, tryna cram for my Econ final. Questioning my whole college existence at this point TBH. pic.twitter.com/3srHehfbGI
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Then, when she least expects it, Cupid comes through.
In the midst of my studying, I check my phone and see a new message from an unknown number pic.twitter.com/RBUhFQ6zxG
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Encouraged, Kelli resolves that when the driver arrives with her charger she will muster her courage and ask him out. She arranges the rendezvous with a soaring heart.
I’m excited. I finally got a response. I’m gonna get my charger back. And now I can actually shoot my shot. pic.twitter.com/gStfZ0jkBF
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So I let him know I’m free today in between my finals from 11-2. He’s like send the address and I’ll try to make it. I’m like bet pic.twitter.com/K9Zw3SDoR2
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So fast forward to today. I’d been up all night studying Econ. Up at the ass crack of morning. Tiredt. Stressed. A mess honestly. pic.twitter.com/gGjhCqk0Hb
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Went and took my final at 8 am and was back in my dorm by 9:15. Y’all I was so tired. I set some alarms and knocked out
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Prince Charming lets Kelli know that he is steering his Uber toward her home…and she panics.
So after snoozing like three different alarms I wake back up at 11 something and check my phone. He texted. pic.twitter.com/Pzfz3xFRI7
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Mind you, I look like death. Crust in my eyes, face bare. Wearing sweats and a hoodie. Looking hurt. pic.twitter.com/DxapoUL8gn
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Resourceful as always, Kelli asks the driver to give her a few minutes so she can freshen up.
I text him & ask if he can give me 20 min cuz I was in the middle of something. Really I needed time to get my life together & beat my face
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So 20 min later I’ve achieved a light beat, look a little more put together. I’m ready. pic.twitter.com/yBODFZwv07
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Faced with the reality of actually asking the driver out, Kelli has an attack of nerves. She calls upon friends to help her overcome her anxiety.
Now this entire time I’m texting all my friends trying to figure out how I’m gonna shoot this shot. I’m shy and just trash at shooting shots
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So he finally texts me saying he’s here right as I finish my face. And now my anxiety acting up. I’m thinking bout if I really wanna do this pic.twitter.com/saR15bNr6S
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Luckily @RadicalBreezyy had come to my room and was hyping me up, making sure I didn’t chicken out
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
The moment arrives.
So he lets me know where his car is and I’m like it’s go time. Don’t be a lil bitch. Take a breath and head outside pic.twitter.com/GezfGotFsc
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
I head outside, into this brick ass drizzle, and I’m like sicing myself up as I walk. pic.twitter.com/aGpk6PCNQH
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So I get to the car and knock on the passenger side window and he rolls it down. My anxiety… through the roof.
Me on the inside: pic.twitter.com/onpFSI2LrS— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So I say hey and he’s like “oh hey wassup” and looks for my charger for .2 sec before handing it to me.
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Now I have a good ass look at his face & I’m like he too fine, I can’t back down.So I’m thanking him for bringing it & he’s like no problem
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
It’s now-or-never time.
I can tell he’s about to make moves to leave so it’s now or never. Time to actually shoot this shot
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So I say, “Excuse me if this is really forward, but would you like to go out sometime?” pic.twitter.com/XyomQzyHAn
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Success!
And then he like chuckles and smiles, and says “Text me” pic.twitter.com/nHbiEn2Div
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
So yeah. I shot my shot. It actually was successful. The end.
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 6, 2016
Don’t you just love a happy ending?
But don’t ring down the curtain just yet. It turns out the final scene in this drama has yet to be played out.
Update: I hate my life. pic.twitter.com/bapaxnVFLI
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 10, 2016
This man is married. Has a whole ass wife. What.
— Nocturnal HoHoHo (@KelliAmirah) December 10, 2016
After concocting the plan, successfully leaving her charger behind, summoning the driver back, and asking him out…Kelli is disappointed to learn that he is married. Her romance has become a farce.
Kelli and the uber-hot driver didn’t make a love connection this time, but there may be a bright side. The story is such a dramatic roller coaster Hollywood is bound to come calling. What a movie it would make! Kelli can play herself onscreen, of course. Maybe Ryan Gosling is available to play the driver.
