No Facebook account? Yeah, right. No social media usually means a guy has something to hide. But what if he just isn’t interested in wasting time that way?
In the whirlwind world of modern dating, few red flags are as ominous as a potential partner’s claim to have no social media accounts. We’ve all heard of women who chance upon their boyfriends’ Facebook accounts only to discover that they’re married with a couple of kids. A guy who won’t share his social media accounts with you is bad news.
Cheaters and catfish definitely do abstain from social media, and if a guy you’ve met online claims to have no accounts on popular services, it’s appropriate to be sceptical.
But sometimes there are defensible reasons for perfectly good men not to have social media accounts. It’s just possible you’re dealing with a decent guy. So it may be worth giving him a chance.
1. HE MAY BE TOO BUSY
Have ever assessed how much time you spend on social media? Every time you promise yourself you’ll just check in briefly to see what’s new you wind up spending 30 or 60 minutes or even longer. We all do.
Some men are simply too busy with their careers and hobbies to maintain a presence on social media. That can actually be a positive thing, not a negative. We all fall into the trap of living our lives as a series of status updates instead of going out into the world and really living.
Opening an account at a dating site is an efficient way of meeting potential partners. It’s consistent with the narrative of being too busy for Instagram and Facebook. Ask him what he’s busy with. This guy may be a keeper.
2. HE MAY NOT LIKE SOCIAL MEDIA
Most of us have a love-hate relationship with social media. It’s a great way to keep up with friends and interesting news, but it can also be really time-consuming. It can distract us from what is really important to us.
A guy who says, “I tried social media but I didn’t like it” may be just the kind of guy you’re looking for – someone who lives life in the present instead of always looking for opportunities to take selfies.
Wouldn’t it be refreshing to spend time with someone who is focused on being with you instead of constantly checking his phone for social media updates?
A guy who claims he doesn’t have accounts because he doesn’t like social media could be just what you’re looking for.
3. HIS JOB MAY PRECLUDE SOCIAL MEDIA
Some people with sensitive jobs in government or the military are prohibited from maintaining public social media accounts. Does your guy work for the intelligence community? (Would he be free to tell you if he did?)
There are plenty of reasons not to have social media accounts. A high-level sensitive job could be one of them.
4. HE’S WORRIED ABOUT BEING HACKED
Social media accounts are mostly safe if you take simple precautions, but there is always a risk of being hacked. Countless people have had their personal information exposed by hackers, and nothing can guarantee that won’t happen to you. We accept the risk with every account we establish.
It’s reasonable for a guy to have a healthy scepticism about online security, especially if he’s had bad experiences in the past. If that’s your guy’s excuse, hear him out.
5. HE’S TOO WELL-KNOWN
Journalists, musicians, actors, and others who work in the public eye have been among the last to adopt social media. Some hire assistants to maintain a public-relations presence on websites all over the Internet, while others avoid the Internet entirely.
Even writers for the local newspaper have good reason to stay off social media. Fans, critics, crackpots, and stalkers are attracted to people in the public eye. Their messages are time-consuming, distracting, and sometimes dangerous. Even minor celebrities have good reason to live offline.
LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE
Dating a guy without a social media presence has some undeniable benefits. You won’t have to worry about mutual friends posting pictures of him with his new girlfriend after you break up. You are relieved of the pressure of maintaining and defending a public profile of your relationship online. You can’t eavesdrop on each other’s online activities, nor get jealous about the attention they get online. And you can actually enjoy your time together on dates without worrying about photographing yourselves to share with your audience.
The lack of social media is a red flag, but it can also be a blessing. Give the new guy the benefit of the doubt and find out why he’s not online.