Chasing women is so undignified. Follow these simple steps to get her to chase you instead.
Visit any bar or nightclub and you will see the same sight. Men – increasingly desperate as closing time approaches – pursue women in traditional ineffective ways. They buy drinks, they sprinkle compliments, they ask for phone numbers, and they leave alone. It’s a sad sight.
Smart men recognize pursuing women as the losing game it is. If you aren’t handsome as a fashion model with a seven-figure income and ownership stakes in a couple Internet start-ups, you’ll find that all the really interesting women are immune to old-fashioned pursuit. The cards are stacked against you.
The way to win is to play a different game. Instead of chasing women, get women to chase you. You don’t have to be rich or handsome. You just need to master a few simple strategies.
1. MAKE HER ACTIVE, NOT PASSIVE
Women are accustomed to a passive, powerful role in meetings with potential dates. They accept flirtations and free drinks and they respond to questions. At the end of the guy’s audition, they decide whether to make a date or share a phone number.
To get a woman to chase you, you’ve got to break out of the audition dynamic. You need to woman you’re interested in to take a more active role as you get to know each other.
2. AUDITION HER
Every woman has heard the tired questions men always use to start conversations. She knows you don’t really care if she visits this place often or what she is drinking.
You’ll make a more lasting impression by asking questions that challenge her to defend herself. “What makes you unique?” “You seem awfully young – how could you possibly be as interesting as the other women here tonight?”
You’ve now turned the tables. Now she must take the active role in persuading you that she is worthy of your interest.
3. BE CONFIDENT
Every dating guide says that confidence is attractive. There’s a reason for that. Your confidence says that you know there are other women who are interested in you. You have started a conversation with one woman, and that indicates a mild temporary interest, but nothing more.
Confidence communicates to your potential date that she could easily lose you. She needs to start working hard – right now – to be interesting and agreeable so you’ll stick around.
4. TEASE HER LIKE A BROTHER
The deep intimacy between girls and their brothers finds expression in playful teasing. When you tease her gently, she drops easily into territory that makes her comfortable. She teases back. She smiles and laughs. She feels safe with you. And you benefit from the subconscious intimacy she affords you as you play the brother role with her. This intimacy can easily and naturally lead to a romantic or sexual relationship.
5. PLAY ON HER FEARS
Once a woman is interested, you can make the fire burn brighter and hotter by making it clear she is not the only woman you are considering. A tiny bit of jealousy at this point can convince her that she must compete for your attention.
It’s easy to overdo it at this stage. You don’t want your target to think you are assembling a harem. But there is no harm in casually mentioning that there are a couple other women you’ve been talking to. The news will make the woman you are interested in more eager to convince you that she is the right woman for you.
6. BE A LITTLE HARD TO GET
A little disappointment can be wonderfully motivating to a woman. When you are making a date, make a point of checking your calendar and expressing disappointment. “Oh, I can’t – I have a seminar at work that weekend.” Even a simple, “Nope, sorry – I’m busy that night” will do the trick.
The dynamic is simple. When you are making the date, the woman begins imagining how it will go, including what limits she’ll draw, how she will assert her independence, and everything she has learned from dating other guys. When you break off the date, even with an expression of remorse, she is jolted into imagining what if she has lost her chance to go out with you. Her natural response is to push hard to get you to commit to a date on a different weekend.
7. PULL BACK
Body language experts offer a lot of dating advice, but it’s hard to keep track of all that information when you’re in the middle of a conversation. Unless you’ve made a lifetime study of the subject, don’t try – it’s just too distracting at a time you need to focus.
There is one thing you can do, however. As you talk to her, lean away from her. Most guys lean forward into her personal space, making her feel threatened, even if all they intended to do was make it easier to hear each other. When you lean away, you’re making her feel safe, not threatened. And if she wants to be heard, she’ll need to lean in toward you. That gives you a slight but real psychological edge.
8. BE FUNNY
“A good sense of humor” is one of the top-rated requirements specified by women on dating websites. Everyone wants a partner who is interesting, who can make them laugh. If you want a woman to chase you, be interesting and funny.
That doesn’t mean you should memorize a lot of jokes. Telling jokes is a sign that you are insecure about making spontaneous conversation. It comes across as rehearsed and insincere.
Instead, share a few funny observations about current events. If you read them online or in the newspaper, go ahead and say so. Appreciating and passing along funny observations is part of having a good sense of humor. Your quips don’t have to be original.
9. EMBRACE THE POWER OF ‘MAYBE’
Once you’ve captured a woman’s interest, it’s tempting to make a date. Don’t do it. That drops you back into the traditional dating narrative.
Get her number instead, and say that maybe you will call her. If she is uncertain, she will naturally try to persuade you that she is worth dating. She will pursue you in hopes of influencing your decision.
You could try making a date and then remembering you’re unavailable. “Oh, I can’t – I have to work late that night. Well, maybe I’ll call you.” If you have this “memory” in the middle of asking her out, she no longer has the authority and power to decide whether you are worth dating. Now she is thrust into the position of convincing you that she is worth scheduling on an alternate date.
10. NEVER SEEM TOO INTERESTED
A woman doesn’t have to chase you if you’re a sure thing. The best way to move a woman into an active role, to get her to pursue you, is to make her think you’re getting away.
If you seem to be on the verge of giving up after remembering you have to work on Friday night, the woman you’re talking to will be eager to suggest Saturday night or Sunday brunch at her place. This is a good time to play the “maybe” card or simply to say you’ll think about it. A quick “yes” gets you a date; a “maybe” makes you the object of her pursuit. And that’s what you wanted all along.